Teaching Your Child Coping Skills for Anxiety That Actually Work
Your child's anxiety is overwhelming for both of you.
They're crying about school again. Or refusing to try something new. Or asking you the same worried questions on repeat.
You want to help them feel better, but you're not sure how to teach them to manage these big, scary feelings on their own.
Here's what you need to know: Coping skills work–but only when taught and practiced the right way.
Let me show you evidence-based strategies that actually help children manage anxiety, plus exactly how to teach them.
Why Coping Skills Matter for Anxious Children
Anxiety isn't going away completely, and that's okay! The goal isn't to eliminate anxiety but to help your child:
Recognize when anxiety is showing up
Understand that they can handle uncomfortable feelings
Use strategies to calm their nervous system
Build confidence that they can cope
The key: These skills must be taught and practiced during calm moments (not in the middle of a meltdown).
Think of it like a fire drill. You don't wait until there's an actual fire to teach kids what to do. You practice when things are calm so they know what to do in an emergency.
The Right Time to Teach Coping Skills
NOT During Anxiety
When your child is in the height of anxiety or having a meltdown, their brain is in fight-or-flight mode. They cannot learn or process new information effectively.
What to do during anxiety instead:
Stay calm and model regulated behavior
Use minimal, reassuring words: "You're safe. You can handle this."
Give them space to work through the feeling
Avoid lengthy explanations or teaching moments
Practice During Calm Moments
The best time to teach coping skills is when your child is calm, regulated, and receptive to learning.
How to build practice into your routine:
Set aside 5-10 minutes daily to practice coping strategies together
Make it fun and playful, not serious or scary
Practice consistently so the skills become automatic
Gradually introduce the skills in mildly stressful situations before using them for bigger fears
After they've practiced and anxiety shows up: Remind them: "Remember that breathing we practiced? Let's try that now."
Evidence-Based Coping Strategies for Child Anxiety
1. Deep Breathing Exercises
Why it works: Deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which calms the body's stress response.
How to teach it:
Balloon Breathing:
"Imagine your belly is a balloon"
Breathe in through your nose and fill up the balloon (belly expands)
Breathe out through your mouth and let the air out slowly (belly deflates)
Practice 5 times together
Flower and Candle:
"Smell the flower" (breathe in through nose)
"Blow out the candle" (breathe out through mouth slowly)
Repeat 3-5 times
Square Breathing:
Breathe in for 4 counts
Hold for 4 counts
Breathe out for 4 counts
Hold for 4 counts
Trace a square in the air while doing this
Pro tip: Practice during bedtime, in the car, or during calm playtime so it becomes second nature.
2. Labeling Emotions
Why it works: When children can identify and name their feelings, they gain power over them. It also activates the thinking part of the brain, which helps calm the emotional part.
How to teach it:
During calm moments:
Read books about feelings together (see recommendations below)
Point out emotions in everyday situations: "I can see you're feeling frustrated that your tower fell down."
Model labeling your own emotions: "I'm feeling worried about my presentation today."
When anxiety shows up:
Gently name what you observe: "It looks like you're feeling worried about school today."
Validate their experience: "It's okay to feel nervous. Everyone feels that way sometimes."
Help them articulate: "Can you tell me what the worry feels like in your body?"
The more children practice identifying emotions, the better they become at managing them.
3. Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Why it works: This technique teaches children to recognize tension in their body and actively release it.
How to teach it:
The Squeeze and Release Game:
"Let's pretend we're squeezing a lemon really tight!" (Make fists, tense arms)
Hold for 5 seconds
"Now drop the lemon!" (Release all tension)
Notice how relaxed your hands feel
Do this with different body parts:
Shoulders (shrug up to ears, then drop)
Face (scrunch up face, then relax)
Legs (squeeze tight, then release)
Whole body (tense everything, then flop like a noodle)
Make it playful: Pretend to be robots (stiff/tense) then turn into cooked spaghetti (loose/relaxed).
4. “Worry Time”
Why it works: Setting aside dedicated "worry time" teaches children they don't have to respond to every anxious thought immediately.
How to teach it:
Choose a specific 10-15 minute time each day (not right before bed)
This becomes "worry time" when your child can share any worries
During the rest of the day, when worries pop up: "That sounds like a worry time thought. We'll talk about it at 4pm."
During worry time, listen without over-reassuring
Help them problem-solve or practice letting worries go
This teaches children:
They can tolerate sitting with worry without immediate relief
Not every worry needs to be addressed right away
They have some control over when they engage with anxious thoughts
5. Using Books to Teach About Anxiety
Books are powerful tools for helping children understand and normalize anxiety. Reading together opens conversations about feelings in a non-threatening way.
Recommended Books for Teaching Coping Skills:
For Understanding Emotions:
The Color Monster by Anna Llenas
The Way I Feel by Janan Cain
When I Feel Angry by Cornelia Maude Spelman
For Teaching Breathing & Calming:
My Magic Breath by Allison Taylor
A World of Pausabilities by Frank J. Sileo
Angry Octopus by Lori Lite and Max Stasuyk
For Managing Anger & Big Feelings:
Cool Down and Work Through Anger by Cheri J. Meiners M.Ed.
Calm-Down Time by Elizabeth Verdick
How to use these books:
Read during calm, cozy times (bedtime, snuggle time)
Point out strategies characters use
Ask: "What do you think helped them feel better?"
Practice the techniques from the books together
Reference the stories when anxiety shows up: "Remember how the octopus took deep breaths?"
Modeling: The Most Powerful Teaching Tool
Children learn more from what we do than what we say.
Model using coping strategies yourself:
Say out loud: "I'm feeling stressed about dinner, so I'm going to take three deep breaths."
Label your emotions: "I feel frustrated that we're stuck in traffic."
Show them how you handle challenges: "That was hard for me, but I kept trying."
Demonstrate problem-solving: "I'm worried about that meeting. Let me think about what I can control."
This teaches children:
All emotions are normal, even for adults
Everyone uses coping strategies
It's possible to manage difficult feelings
You believe in the tools you're teaching them
Praise Progress, Not Perfection
As your child practices these skills, praise their efforts:
Be specific:
"Great job taking those deep breaths when you felt worried!"
"I noticed you calmed yourself down. I'm so proud of you!"
"You used your words to tell me how you were feeling. That was brave!"
Celebrate small wins:
Trying a coping skill (even if it doesn't work perfectly)
Recognizing anxiety and naming it
Asking for help using a strategy
Managing anxiety slightly better than last time
Remember: Building coping skills takes time and lots of practice. Progress isn't linear, and that's completely normal.
Creating a Coping Skills Toolbox
Help your child create their personalized "toolbox" of strategies:
Make it visual:
Draw pictures of each coping skill
Create a poster for their room
Make a feelings chart with corresponding tools
Make it portable:
Small cards with strategies they can keep in their backpack
A "calm down kit" with sensory items (stress ball, fidget, favorite photo)
Make it theirs:
Let them choose which strategies work best for them
Practice together and notice which ones they prefer
Add to the toolbox as they learn new skills
When to Seek Professional Support
While these coping skills are powerful, sometimes children need more intensive support.
Consider working with a child anxiety therapist if:
Your child's anxiety is interfering with daily life
Coping skills aren't making a difference after consistent practice
Your child refuses to try strategies or is too overwhelmed
You need guidance on how to implement these techniques effectively
Your family needs support navigating anxiety together
Professional therapy can provide:
Personalized strategies for your child's specific anxiety
Parent coaching on how to respond effectively
Gradual exposure therapy to help your child face fears
Accountability and expert guidance
You're Giving Your Child Lifelong Skills
Teaching coping skills isn't just about managing today's anxiety–it's about giving your child tools they'll use for life.
With practice, your child will:
Feel more confident in managing big feelings
Become less dependent on you for constant reassurance
Face challenges with greater resilience
Have strategies they can use throughout their life
You're not just helping them survive anxiety, you're teaching them to thrive.
Ready for More Support?
If you want guidance on teaching these skills or need help addressing your child's anxiety, I'm here to help.
As a child anxiety therapist, I provide parent coaching and evidence-based strategies tailored to your child's unique needs.
Let's work together to help your child feel more confident and capable.
Schedule your free 15-minute consultation today.
Alexis Landa, LMHC. Serving families throughout Florida via online therapy
Additional Resources:
Medical School for Kids - Books explaining medical concepts to children
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